question: Transient emotions, normal or not?

i have emotional capacity of a jaded 80 yr old and the memory of a fish.
oh oh.. but i do encourage perseverance. even when the going gets tough and the monotony of life gnaws at you innards.

I feel so rootless, unbound by any sense of belonging to a person, place or thing.
Surely it stems from the constant changes, the ebb and flow of life.
too many, too soon. 

how i expected nothing to touch me, apparently has wrecked my sense of self.

Hah.

i wish i can be that ignorant, simple God-fearing child i once was. Growing up sure isn't fun.

after graduation, life just goes by in various directions, with the tide ripping you apart. what makes it all so unbearable is the mother constantly asking you what you aim to do in life. every single day. every single day. every single day.

well just illustrating a point.

I took a step out of the box. went off the beaten track. sometimes i do sit down and take a deep look inside. no doubt it is scary. attempting to start businesses with no experience, little money and hardly any fame. but who's to say i would or would not succeed before i've started.

just breathe.

follow your decisions.

use your head.

if it weren't viable i'd be the first to drop it. but it is what it is. 1 project, 2 businesses and 3 job offers later, i do believe that i believe. one day, i'll turn around and say i tried and i succeeded eventually. maybe today, maybe in 2 weeks, months or years.

but it will come to pass

As the end draws near, all one has left is the question of have I done enough.
and I for one can tell you no.
wasted my life on a quagmire of problems, truckloads of fun and little else

As it has been quoted, " Youth is wasted on the young."
All we do is eat, drink and party, only studying when we really have to.

Education is crap.
ok.. I'm just ranting... 3 more weeks to exams and I'm so gg to die.
What am I to do after that?


As I was saying.. all I do is eat, drink and party

2 years on and completely different.
sometimes I wish I never went away.

I'm finally back, both in blogosphere as well as in asia.
It's been a fruitful trip back i must say.
Touched down, went to Taipei a week later



followed by Langkawi a week after, now, that was a blast!





and now I'm working with some NGO that deals with kids... generally I'm still having fun rolling around. Of cos, the work results in the continuous roller-coasters the plague my being, but I love what I do.


It's strange how people are so consumed by stereotypes and the obsession with the professional world.
Just because I choose not to practice at the end of the day, its as if, my law degree is rendered useless.
There are many avenues to go into in this time and age, and seriously, lawyers are getting underpaid for the type of work they do. More importantly to me is the lack of personal satisfaction that I derive from such mundane work.
Perhaps, many would see things differently, but to me, aside from the few wife-beaters who get thrown into jail, and those pedophiles that seem to be thriving and multiplying, there is seriously nothing worst than having to do a string of dull, mind-numbing paperwork, and even worst, defend some no-good arse.

So I intend to try my hand at business, try to attain financial stability, and then go into NGO work full time at a later date.
So there.

Had a seminar on Mortgages last week.
Seminar taker was commenting on how the world has become so consumerist-oriented and how individuals are so
pathetically blinded by the object of their affectionS, that they so fail to see sales gimmicks right in front of their eyes.
Mortgage companies handing out free loans up to hundreds and thousands of pounds with no interest rates?
Or how about these companies buying up your house at 3/4 the price and letting u stay rent free, with a tiny clause at the bottom of the contract stating, (for 2 months only).
Afterwhich, they then evict u from the property.

All these makes no sense to me.
People.. use your logic and open ur eyes, then tell me which crazy person would actually give out money for free.

Wht brought me to this topic was an advert I saw on facebook today.
Visa has a new credit card made specifically for individuals who've bad credit.
AHAHAHHAHAHA.
That's a beautiful plan for investors who want to make a quick buck out of exorbitant interest rates at the end of the day, and FAST.

ok.. all this talk is boring me.
Thought of the day: THE GOVERNMENT ACTUALLY LEGALIZES THIS?!

Assignment due in 24hrs.

LOVED my birthday and fabulous people.
DETEST EXAMS.
one more to go...

overdue overdue!!!
and i need to start studying soon.

finally, after all the agonizing waiting and pleading and moaning and groaning... I'm home.
flights were eventful as usual.
esp. the second leg.
5 mins into boarding, the guys in front of me leaps up and starts screaming that some guy made away with a bottle of his liquor from the overhead cabin.- to no avail it seems...
5 mins towards disembarking he was still gg at it with the useless steward.
Sat next to a girl my age from Kedah who's hilarious.
She went: " This only happens on flights to malaysia."
I like her... with her being a nanny and all during this gap yr, and how we clicked cos she wants to study law and is prolly getting into some holy schmolie sch next yr.

of cos, which journey is ever complete w/o the stewards hitting on u right.
hot
middle eastern
asking abt layover in KL.
which clubs are good.
-just before descent stopped next to us.
S: " So i'll see u guys soon."
Us: " yea. Bye."
S: " So whr exactly will I be seeing u?"
Us: "Huh?!
S: " Which clubs will u guys be at? "
Us: " No idea. Bye."
-dejected and embarrassed, he walked away.
AHAHHAA

then came KL with all its glorious food.
63 bucks worth of dim sum
prata
wanton mee
seafood
zhi char
indomee
teh tarik
limau ice.
watermelon juice
pure chocolate ice blended.
shisha (its just a mere technicality that its not food)

Next stop Singapore!!

GOSH.... we're too grown up to fight.
i'm tired.

on a lighter note, I feel an emptiness.
knowing that there's no one to run to, who's a PERMANENT fixture.
knowing when I fall... that it's the end.
No one to be silly with, to not worry about looking fugly and unglam, to eat, to be who i am inside.
if he didn't make that last move... i might very well still NOt be single.
I guess things happen.
i can't believe its over
this song... is to the happy times:


"Far Away"

This time, This place
Misused, Mistakes
Too long, Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

On my knees, I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you, I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know,
you know, you know

[CHORUS]

So far away
Been far away for far too long
So far away
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know

I wanted
I wanted you to stay
'Cause I needed
I need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
Hold on to me and, never let me go



Christmas markets
I never got what the great deal was... No such luxury back home.
The aroma of German bratwursts, the stench of brewed beer (some would beg to differ), excited squeals from pre/post pubescent girls, short bursts of wind from tiny kids zooming past, the dizzing sight of chocolate coated apples, strawberries, cookies, pancakes, naughty winks from sexy frenchmen ( i like to think of them as french).

trust me... i ate till i nearly burst-ted... aha...
then shisha-in Rusholme...
eh Pu3 and girls... what happened to our shisha plans...
i'm gg home aldr...
technically tmr... since now its 5.17am
and i can't sleep.

i've got 983768928 bags of presents and goodies.. i'm gg to die.

MAJOR breakout.....
when u get a sore throat
then flu,
followed by a freakin' fever....
you know something's heat-Y
and u're BOUND TO BREAK OUT.

time out.

shopping, clubbing, eating, dancing, sleeping, hugging, playing, laughing, tickling, whining, crying, loving, mango sorbets, popcorn, chocolates, shisha, gossiping, catching up, smiling, tanning, choking.

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE HOME!!!!

My skin is like a map
Of where my heart has been
And I cant hide the marks
Its not a negative thing
So I let down my guard
Drop my defences down by my clothes
I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus:]
I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints
On a glass of wine
Do you know you're leaving them
All over this heart of mine too
But if I never take this leap of faith
I'll never know
So I'm learning to fall
With no safety net to cushion the blow

[Chorus:]
I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

Anyone who can touch you
Can hurt you or heal you
Anyone who can reach you
Can love you or leave you

So be gentle...

[Chorus:]
I bruise easily
So be gentle when you handle me
Theres a mark you leave
Like a love heart carved on a tree
I bruise easily
Can't scratch the surface
Without moving me underneath
I bruise easily
I bruise easily

I bruise easily
I bruise easily

The irony of Family Law.

you read against the grain of all family stands for.
you read about how they break up.

abuse.

1 in 4 women
and here comes the HAR HAR part: 1 in 6 men


.
.
.
Ouch


time check: 3:29am

lost my accommodation tap card.
asked security to open the door.
walked out into the frigid cold this morn.
only that it wasn't frigid.
went to class... realised 15 mins late, decided to go pick up seminar questions instead.
sleazy construction workers milling around. talking as if they think i cant understand them.
the power of assumption.
died of thirst.
rummaged thru bag for wallet.
wallet at home.
strolled past crazy china woman talking to herself.
as if she was carrying on a perfectly normal one with someone else.
walked to starbucks.-because of frigid cold u see.
remb. no wallet before i embarrassed myself.
went home
got hollered at by security.
something abt me having to buy a card and him not being paid to do this shit.
that's my morning for u.
17days

drank a carton of orange juice.
woke up with a tummy ache and normal hands.
i should drink more OJ

backdating to the Christmas light-up in Manchester a few days ago...



these were the number of pple there...

total of 15 hundred to be exact.
ON this cold cold cold night...
weather report said it was 7 degrees, but felt like negative 1 due to the rain and winds.
i second that.
ALL to see the SHAYNE guy perform as part of the lightup...
hope i got his name right otherwise i'd be clobbered to death by precisely those 15 hundred pple.
apparently it was the first time in the History of manchester that they were holding a massive Christmas lightup... so whee!
i made history

=)


anyways here was Mr. Santa being lit up:



cute isnt he?

and the prettiful fireworks, you'd prolly see nicer ones in the Manchester Evening News... but I'm not very good at this.











for some reason, this so reminds me of Harry Potter... I've no idea why.
maybe its all that green gg on..


Returning to the N word.
its the dreaded Netball.
That typically yellow round thing.
the one where I devoted most of my secondary school life to, and swore never to touch again since then.
I played it yesterday.
MY WORST PERFORMANCE E.V.E.R.
outdoors.
in the cold
ya... u read that right.





Its scary how one can completely forget something.
it wasn't pretty.
but... we had fantastic players on the team:
ee-nian, shanny, jenny, isadora, puteri, azzymah, jan.
so we played against LSE, IMPERIAL, WARWICK, SOUTHHAMPTON, LEEDS, and the like
.and managed to get thru to the finals...
in fact the play was pretty darn good all the way till it hit Nottingham.

suddenly.. nothing seemed to be working properly.

then the defeat.

and the waiting...



BUT there was this:



considering sucky me + no trg... this girls were impressive.
oh yes!

it was pretty fun. and well worth the trouble...

i would love to show a picture of both dying hands, but its virtually impossible to take a decent shot when both my hands are in use.
anyways, there's this awful redness of the joints between the fingers and the hands.
and so... i decided to do some reearch yesterday, and arrived at a conclusion:
1) my hands are dying
2) i have aids
3) i have some weird disease and I'm dying
4) VITAMIN C deficiency.

decided to go with number 4 since i don't think i can bear the thought of my hands dying, and getting aids isn't even realistic or possible in my lifestyle.
Furthermore, I haven't been eating fruits since getting here.
Thus, its time to begin the "revive dying-hands regime", which involves drinking orange juice twice a day, eating as much veg, and buying all fruits in sight.
hur.... STRAWBERRIES AND CREAMMMMMM

anyways... went to Trish's surprise party today... honestly seemed to be much more of a Malaysian society bash than anything else. But i had fun. +)






the HELPers + Birthday girl

and so another mundane day ends...
30 days to home...


mom: what if i told you i don't have enough money for you to come home?
me: its ok... i'll just stay back and study
mom: i have bad news, you can't come back.
me: oh ok... *tears on skype*
mom: are you crying? beacause you can't come back?
me: ya. i wanted to see mischa
mom: HAHAHA... i can't believe you're crying. I just wanted to see your reaction. How can I not let my daughter come home when she's crying?!

she's a meanie
=(

and the sky comes crashing down...

i absolutely adore this picture...
as Puteri likes to say, the sunlight here is just different, and pictures simply end up gorgeous.
It doesn't hurt that the architecture is beautiful of cos.



this street is the very one that i walk out of and into every single day that I'm here...
I love it for that fact that there's hardly any wind thru this alley.
Meaning... that its relatively always warm.
I realised I've yet to show a photo of my very favourite starbucks.
One that I go to every single day.
it's prolly the only thing thats exactly the same as back home... same ambience, decor, music, smells, noise.
my one salvation when I get homesick.
whee...
yes mom, I'm drinking too much coffee, my bad.


this's what i call a starbucks outfit.
if i were to dress like this beyond starbucks and Spar, I'd have long become a popsicle.
It's safe to say the past few days have been lovely, where night and day hovers between 10-14 degrees.
initially, when I first arrived, it was way weird.
The days were abt 16-17 and when evening comes, the temperature plunges all the way to 4 degrees...

haha... this sure is morphing into a travelog.
there are two places I love along the curry mile, courtesy of Tea and Azzy and Ain.
First is this shisha bar, called something "Villa".- i'm bad with names
they do this thing of replacing the claypots which hold the molasses with fruits...
just.
like.
this.
.
.
.


in case u're wondering- that's actually an orange.
it was really really nice.. the flavour was fantastic.



another fantastic place is this restaurant Tea brought me to...
i really really cant recall the name of this place.
but the curry is awesome.
had lamb Madras and chicken masala with Garlic Naan and Pilaf rice...




and i'm a happy girl...

haha... anyways.
HArt baby was asking for more more more - (pictures of Manchester)
SO HERE GOES:

random road:



random building:



one building which I find particualarly fetching is the Midlands Hotel- it's beauty is piercing

side entrance


side of the hotel


can't remb which building this is


more random streets



now i'm gg to sign off and try to look cool.
it's freezing, so it won't make any diff.


i still can't believe how lame i can get.
grow up bong, u're twenty- gg on 21 soon... scary

played netball for the first time in 4 yrs.
i SWORE never to touch it again.
hahah... and sure enough, i have lost my "touch".
It's strange to start something familiar all over again...
never in a million years did i envision myself picking up the dreaded ball.

secondly, I'm becoming english!!!!
heh. i walked home in fbt shorts. prolly the skimpiest thing i've ever worn over here takin into acct the dreaded cold.
it is a far cry from jeans, leggings and boots.
i'm so gg to survive the winter... WOOTS

visited selfridges yesterday.
the way they place branded stuff in the open, compared to the way zara tags their leather jackets electronically,...
you'd actually think that marc jacobs, chloe, gucci, prada and the likes were actually cheap.
oh boy!
did i have fun.

this supposed reading week.
i haven't done ANY reading. so i better start now.
toodles
apolgies for the haphazard methodology adopted for this entry.
I'm so not in the mood for blogging